Sunday, October 25, 2009

Get your cheese outta my face!


The difficult thing about having a blog is actually updating it. For instance, it's been like three weeks since I've posted in here, and a ton of awesome shit has gone down, but I've always been like, "Shit man I'm too tired, I'll update this tomorrow" and it sits and sits and sits until finally I can't put it off any longer. So here's a sampling of what the past three weeks of my life has been like.

Jeremy got married. It was pretty awesome.


1. Sick ass hotel room 50 inch flat screens, California King bed (that I had to share with Nixon the night before he got married) wet bar , huge ass couch basically a sweet ass set up.

2. Rehearsal dinner- at some Ale house which was fucking pretty bad ass, Forge and I started pre-gaming before the rehearsal dinner and of course were already pretty drunk when we got there. Then came the opening of the beer menu, and of course Forge comes up with the most brilliant idea of seeing how many of the highest percentage beers we can drink before our reservation for the party room were over. All I really remember is like the last two beers tasting like shit, Forge telling me he drank an "oil rig" which I have no idea what he's talking about, some female lady who is related to Jeremy telling me to go tell her husband what kind of drink she wants at the bar, then licking my ear and slapping my ass when I walked away. Oh I also told Jer's mom's new husband my name was Arthur for some reason, and he called me Artie the entire weekend, which was awesome.

3. Post Rehearsal dinner- back to the hotel where we had Yinglings in a cooler and patron iced in the sink. We all head upstairs and Forge says he'll meet us in my room in about ten mins.... twenty mins go by, I'm drinking a glass full of Patron because Nixon is too drunk to drink the half a glass shot I poured for him and I decide to go knock on Forge's door to see whats goin on..... This dude answers his door in his boxers, like three mins after I knock on the door eyes all glazed over, I ask what he's doing and he's puking lol. Overall a great night for him, more to come on this later. The night basically ended with Nixon and myself sharing my Ginormous bed, reminiscing about the golden days, hopes for the future and things that two dudes can safely talk about while laying in the same bed. (We both had terrible gas, more on that to come later too)

4. Wedding- was awesome, wasn't too long, wasn't too short, I made Jack walk everyone down the isle that I didn't know, which was pretty much the entire crowd. I didn't fuck up walking down the isle, and no one's hair caught on fire. The only thing that really pissed me off about the entire weekend was that the fucking reception was like 30 minutes away, and we had no limo so it was a drive, but I got over it pretty quick and had a great time. Then the after party came, with the hot girl from the wedding party who was completely hammered asked "So are we gonna rock out later or what?"(man you gotta love classy Massachusetts broads) the pissed off look on her face when I told her no, I have to drive three and a half hours back to Burlington tonight was a sight to behold. So I guess to get me back she stole the triple decker coldcut sammich i had just made myself, and mow'd it right in front of me. She even stopped to tell me how good it was, then went as far as letting her friend have a bite and smiling at me. I think that was a wasted opportunity, but whatever she was from Massachusetts.

So I left the small town just outside of Boston who's name escapes me right now at 11:00 pm, which driving at 75 puts me in Burlington at around 2:30. Holy shit man, let me just say this now, if you ever breakdown in Vermont....... well just pray you don't ever break down in Vermont. I literally drove 188 miles before I saw (Yanks just won the pennant, fuck yeah) another car. Thats like seriously 3/4 of the drive before I even saw another fucking car. It gets real lonely driving that late at night, on very little sleep, pretty boring. For like an hour I spoke to myself in Spanish, then I tried to see how high I could count, I think i got up to like four thousand before I asked myself what the fuck I was doing. Blah blah I got home at like 3:00 woke up at 8 went to work. Weekend over.

Fast forward to the next weekend. I get a text from my old roomate asking me when I was coming to move all my shit out of the old apartment, and I decided that I'd just leave after work on Friday drive down, move all my shit out Saturday, drive back Saturday night, go out and drink Saturday night. Everything went according to plan. I left here Friday night around 7:00 and Perks decided to tag along because he wanted to visit the motherland too, the highlight of the drive down was probably when we were in mid conversation and "Sweet Baby James" came on, and I abruptly shushed him, cranked it up and sang along. There is no talking during "Sweet Baby James". I dropped him off at his bro's place and kept it moving to Meriden, where I came home, saw all my old shit and almost had a panic attack. How was I going to move all that shit out of my room, pack it in my car, drive it to Vermont, and actually find a space for it in the closet I have up here. I decided it would be better if I went out and got a beer at good ol' Archies. So I met Urbz and his girl Smash out at the bar, quickly downed a few beers, ate 35 wings and was pumped on the whole time being there until I saw Ashley standing on the other side of the bar. I kept it cool drank a few beers, and was planning on walking over to say hello, and next thing I look over she's walking out. Of course me being drunk I start reminiscing about old times start texting her and yup, make a complete ass out of myself, say some shit I should have kept to myself and yup, basically re-enforce the fact that A. I am still in love with her and B. she is very much not still in love with me. Awesome.

So I wake up early Saturday morning, get a haircut (because my head starting taking the form of a football helmet) and then head home to work on the fucking mess that I liked to call my room. Seriously halfway through it I was considering packing a few things in my car driving away and telling my old roomate to just throw everything away, but I took a few deep breaths and managed to actually pack everything up and make it work. I scooped Matt and we were on our way again. We left the great state of CT at around 7 and made it up here at about 10:30. Not a bad drive, and certainly shorter when you have someone to talk to about ex girlfriends, video games and other random shit. We get up here and I hear Perks' famous last words "I don't want to get blackout drunk tonight" a quote I still laugh at today, which is like two weeks later. Well if we didn't want to get blackout drunk we probably shouldn't have been double fisting beers while we waited for the cab to show up. I don't really remember going downtown, all I know is that I think I ended up giving the cab driver 25 bucks for the 8 dollar ride home. I know I had 25 bucks in my wallet before we left downtown, but fuck it, you can't put a price on getting home safely. We ended up going back into the neighbors apartment, where many interesting things went down, that I didn't even know about because after about ten minutes I decided to come pass out on the futon. I will tell you someone ended up going to the emergency room, and multiple people weren't happy when the woke up Sunday moring. However one of them wasn't me, so HAH suckers.

Fast forward to this past weekend, more fun times. Friday starts off with a work party at some dudes house who I don't know, filled with work people who I don't really know either. Let me just tell everyone this, all the stereo types that everyone has about people in Vermont smoking a ton of weed.....

Yeah they are true. Holy shit man it was like people smoking cigarettes, everyone was smoking, I however opted to drink from the keg, the keg filled with Switchback, which if you've read this blog before you already know how I feel about Switchback. Let me just tell you, I drank wayyyyyyyyyy too much, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too quick, oh did I mention I hadn't eaten anything all do too? Yeah awesome, so by the time the food comes I end up housing like 9 piece of pizza and about 10 of the worst wings I have eaten in Vermont so far. Of course that didn't make my stomach feel any better but fuck it whatever were going out downtown. So we manage to stuff five dudes, yeah five dudes in a fucking Toyota Echo cab (the skinniest guy got shotgun somehow too) I mean you know it's pretty tight when you can feel the dude who's got the window seat two people away from you cell phone vibrates and you think it's yours. Yeah it was that tight. Whatever we get to some bar downtown and it's back to drinking. When I get drunk I get hot, and let me just tell you it was a million fucking degrees in there. I ended up going outside and standing in the rain (beer in hand because I'm fucking smooth) just to stay cool. I even went for a walk to the ATM which was like forever and a day away, managed to get stopped by a police officer who actually laughed at me because I was walking in the rain drinking a coors light, and challenged me to pound the rest of the beer in front of him. Which I did because I was fucking awesome and I managed to make it to the ATM and take out 40 bucks. At this point I was seriously considering calling a cab and riding home solo, going home and and ridding myself of the nasty Switchbacks, the not so bad pizza and the fucking terrible wings, but I decided I'd at least go back to the bar and see what was going in. Well apparently when I got there it was time to go to another bar. So we left and went back to RiRah's which is like my favorite place up here, even though I broke my tooth chewin gum drinkin beers there, but fuck it, only a minor speed bump. (that reminds me the dentist hasn't called me back yet, it's been like a fucking month) Well let me just tell you, I don't go to the bar to dance, I go to the bar to drink beers, that might hurt peoples feelings, but shit get over it. I don't dance. Anyways I go outside because it's fucking stupid hot in there and I don't feel like dancing and let me just tell you, Halarity ensues. I really can't go into details about it but yeah, it was fucking awesome. One of my friends was so fucking drunk he was just shouting, nothing coherent, just shouting and it was pretty funny. He then did a two step in a giant fucking puddle, and then managed to not be able to shut the door for like ten minutes when we finally managed to hail a mini-van cab. We made it back and of course we headed back into the the neighbors apartment like usual, this time no one had to head to the emergency room, but someone did walk back to our apartment with no shoes on, and no jacket. I managed to fall asleep on a sofa that is wayyyyyyyyyyy too small for me to fit on, then I woke up and watched showgirls, which was a fucking terrible movie. Also Jessy Spano has pepperoni nipples, they are gross, and really made me want some Mr. Mikes pizza. Plenty more unspeakable things went down, but yeah lets not mention that, I will say that I did get hit in the side of the face with a hunk of I think it was cheddar cheese, pitched at about 98 miles an hour by a Wild drunken man who had no cares for whether I lost an eye to a rogue hunk of cheese, and it stuck to my face. I seriously had to peel that shit off my cheek. Not fun.

Perks ended up driving back to Ct Saturday morning and I didn't do shit the entire rest of the weekend. I think I stayed up until like 4 am playing fifa soccer lol. Whatever I don't give a fuck, another good weekend in the books. I should be going to sleep because I have to be up in seven hours.

Some pictures

Madelines face is pretty funny looking

The Men of the wedding party

Friday, October 9, 2009

Broken Teeth and Broken Hearts

It's amazing how many of you guys are giving me shit for not updating this more often. You do have to realize that not every single day of my life up here is worthy of writing shit about. That being said, when I do update I will post it on facebook so if want to read it you can. On that note, things are going to have to be on a PG basis, since my mom is now following this blog. So the boob and vagina talk and regular male debauchery is going to have to be at a minimum. (Maybe I'll block her from reading this lol) Also don't hate on my spelling, my overly ambitious use of commas or any other shit that is annoying, no one likes a grammar whore.

Anyways lets see whats been going on.

1. My tooth is still broken, however I went to the dentist. They informed me that I need to have all my wisdom teeth out, then with the broken tooth I have to have a root canal (1000 bucks) and then have the tooth capped (1000 bucks again) and possibly crowned. I have no idea what that means but I bet it's going to be another fucking thousand dollars. When asking the dentist if I could just have it pulled out he gave me some bullshit excuse (his eyes were wide with images of dollar bills) and basically told me no. I've always been a firm believer if something fucks up, replace it, don't rebuild it, destroy it and replace it with something more awesome. Fuck I wish it was a front tooth because I always wanted a gold tooth. Ask my moms about that, she'll tell you I've wanted one since like second grade.

2. Jeremy gets married this weekend. I can't believe it. I can honestly say that he is probably the closest friend I have ever had. We went though our ups and downs, but in the end our friendship persevered. He is getting married to a beautiful girl, who will keep his ass in line and I couldn't be more happy for the both of them. Tomorrow I get to wake up at 8 am on a fucking SATURDAY and drive three hours from Burlington to Boston, yet I'm not even mad because I will be participating in an event that means the world to a person that I truly care about. Since were were kids taking our bicycle helmets off when we got two blocks away from our houses (because i don't care how old you are, bicycle helmets make you look like a fucking dipshit) to drinking beers and eating wings at our favorite dive bar New West. I don't even know if you read this shit, but honestly bro I couldn't be happier for you, I wish you all the best on the new life you are starting.

3. There are plenty other things that need to be updated but I don't feel like thinking about them so I'm going to talk about some other shit.

*edited because this is no longer relevant, don't like it fuck off*

Well how do I follow that shit show up?

With another shit show of course.

So yesterday night a mutual friend of ours little sister paid us a visit. It was clear a night of on the town boozing was going down before she even got here. So I went about my daily routine of work/gym and got in my car and drove home. On the way I was sitting at the light in front of Burlington High School and I almost shit my pants, like seriously came close, not very relevant but I thought I maybe people who have been stuck at a traffic light in similar situations could appreciate it. Well I get in run up the stairs right past Perks and our guest and well, lets just say this is a quiet house, and my first impression more than likely wasn't a good one. As I hobbled down the stairs (more on that to come) I was greeted by a pretty face (not Matt) and then was promptly bitched at for taking so long because we were supposed to be ordering pizza. I declined on the pizza and said I wasn't going out because I was tired, but after our guest told me not to be a baby and come out next thing I knew I was getting dressed. We started off by drinking Longtrails at the house, and I must say, I have found my new favorite beer. To all you guys who buy the same beer when you hit the packy, try something different, try a nice Vermont Ale, something like Magic Hat #9 (made locally here in Burlington) a Longtrail (nice darker beer that has a good flavor to it) or even a Switchback (someone described these as have a nut like flavor, and I refuse to drink one since, but if you like nuts, try it.) you won't be disappointed. Well next thing I know Josh is dropping us off downtown (he had court in the morning, because he's a superstar court dude who solves cases without a sidekick) and the fun began.

The things I remember: No one at RiRah's and our guest ordering a water lol. Going to RJ's and seeing work people who I don't even know shout out the name of our company and high five me (apparently I have more friends up here than I know about) and then Perks taking me to some underground dungeon lair where there were techno kids swinging glowsticks and girls who looked like they were still in highschool, apparently it's one of the two clubs downtown, and I promptly turned tail and got the fuck outta there. Fuck that place it was stupid. Then I remember wanting to go home but not being able to find a cab (I think i was standing in an alleyway at that point) and then having a 20 minute conversation with a bicycle that was chained up to a stop sign, something about liberating it from it's shackles and riding the shit out of it home, but Perks found me before I could commit my first crime in Vermont. (Bike theft is actually happens all the time up here, people ride their bikes everywhere) Then I remember buying a fucking six dollar sausage, which I most def remembered this morning when I woke up and that was the only thing I could taste. This guy really has a racket going on out there at his little cart, nothing smells better when escaping underground dungeons than a six dollar sausage. That shit smelled so good I more than likely would have paid whatever he asked for. And I'm sure I'll get some gay "You love sausage" comments, but really guys c'mon were old enough to see past those jokes.................... well maybe one or two are tolerable.

Lets see, what else......... well theres work. Work is pretty sweet, I was actually on the phones full time today, and nothing says you haven't learned shit in the past two weeks of training than struggling with an client based issue, but fuck man this is pretty fun. Once I get over that huge learning hump, I'm going to be tearing up these tickets on the daily, now I just need to retain the shit I am learning on a per minute basis and I'll be good. It's honestly crazy the work environment up here. People are encouraged to dress casual, which in most places means that oh hey maybe I'll wear a pair of jeans to work today, well here people wear whatever they want, slippers, aprons, t shirts, jeans, sandals, trenchcoats, whatever floats your boat do it. Pretty nice from having to wear a uniform everyday to being able to wear whatever the hell I want. I am so super pumped to have landed this job, and I am going to do my best to become the best that I can at it. It's pretty helpful when the people you work with are all easy going and sarcastic. They'll laugh when you make a mistake, tell you not to sweat it, then ridicule the shit out of you, but in a nice way. It really is an excellent environment, and if you want a new start on things, a fresh start on life I would encourage any and all of you to think about making the move that I did. It's been awesome so far.

So I wrote a lot of shit today, but it's been shit I've thought about a lot lately, and shit that is relevant to my life. So if you are going to complain, bitch or be negative, feel free to jump off a cliff. I have to say Vermont so far has impressed me with it's people, everyone up here seems to skip to a different beat, people go out of their way to hold doors open for you, say please and thank you, people even smile at you in the streets. It's a great place to be and I'm happy to be here. I think it's the first step in the right direction, and it was the answer to the questions I've been asking myself for quite some time. That being said I do miss the few friends I had in CT that I kept close to, I miss my mom, and if you are reading this mom I love you and if I seem annoyed or short with you lately it's just by the time I talk to you at the end of the day I'm mentally shot, so if I have to think about something chances are my brain hurts, but thank you for all the support, I miss you and love you.

Heres a few pictures that will sum up what I wrote down

Long Trial Brewing Co. Get you some!

Burlington, Vermont thats Mount Mansfield in the background, biggest mountain in Vermont, home to Stowe ski resort, where I have my season pass to. Fuck yeah.

Me and Germ, soon to be a married man!

The best of times, Isn't she lovely?

In closing, never take for granted what you have, because you really don't realize what you haven until it's gone. A good friend of mine Murbs once said, "If your life sucks, you suck" that right there should be motivation to make yourself a better life.