Sunday, October 25, 2009

Get your cheese outta my face!


The difficult thing about having a blog is actually updating it. For instance, it's been like three weeks since I've posted in here, and a ton of awesome shit has gone down, but I've always been like, "Shit man I'm too tired, I'll update this tomorrow" and it sits and sits and sits until finally I can't put it off any longer. So here's a sampling of what the past three weeks of my life has been like.

Jeremy got married. It was pretty awesome.


1. Sick ass hotel room 50 inch flat screens, California King bed (that I had to share with Nixon the night before he got married) wet bar , huge ass couch basically a sweet ass set up.

2. Rehearsal dinner- at some Ale house which was fucking pretty bad ass, Forge and I started pre-gaming before the rehearsal dinner and of course were already pretty drunk when we got there. Then came the opening of the beer menu, and of course Forge comes up with the most brilliant idea of seeing how many of the highest percentage beers we can drink before our reservation for the party room were over. All I really remember is like the last two beers tasting like shit, Forge telling me he drank an "oil rig" which I have no idea what he's talking about, some female lady who is related to Jeremy telling me to go tell her husband what kind of drink she wants at the bar, then licking my ear and slapping my ass when I walked away. Oh I also told Jer's mom's new husband my name was Arthur for some reason, and he called me Artie the entire weekend, which was awesome.

3. Post Rehearsal dinner- back to the hotel where we had Yinglings in a cooler and patron iced in the sink. We all head upstairs and Forge says he'll meet us in my room in about ten mins.... twenty mins go by, I'm drinking a glass full of Patron because Nixon is too drunk to drink the half a glass shot I poured for him and I decide to go knock on Forge's door to see whats goin on..... This dude answers his door in his boxers, like three mins after I knock on the door eyes all glazed over, I ask what he's doing and he's puking lol. Overall a great night for him, more to come on this later. The night basically ended with Nixon and myself sharing my Ginormous bed, reminiscing about the golden days, hopes for the future and things that two dudes can safely talk about while laying in the same bed. (We both had terrible gas, more on that to come later too)

4. Wedding- was awesome, wasn't too long, wasn't too short, I made Jack walk everyone down the isle that I didn't know, which was pretty much the entire crowd. I didn't fuck up walking down the isle, and no one's hair caught on fire. The only thing that really pissed me off about the entire weekend was that the fucking reception was like 30 minutes away, and we had no limo so it was a drive, but I got over it pretty quick and had a great time. Then the after party came, with the hot girl from the wedding party who was completely hammered asked "So are we gonna rock out later or what?"(man you gotta love classy Massachusetts broads) the pissed off look on her face when I told her no, I have to drive three and a half hours back to Burlington tonight was a sight to behold. So I guess to get me back she stole the triple decker coldcut sammich i had just made myself, and mow'd it right in front of me. She even stopped to tell me how good it was, then went as far as letting her friend have a bite and smiling at me. I think that was a wasted opportunity, but whatever she was from Massachusetts.

So I left the small town just outside of Boston who's name escapes me right now at 11:00 pm, which driving at 75 puts me in Burlington at around 2:30. Holy shit man, let me just say this now, if you ever breakdown in Vermont....... well just pray you don't ever break down in Vermont. I literally drove 188 miles before I saw (Yanks just won the pennant, fuck yeah) another car. Thats like seriously 3/4 of the drive before I even saw another fucking car. It gets real lonely driving that late at night, on very little sleep, pretty boring. For like an hour I spoke to myself in Spanish, then I tried to see how high I could count, I think i got up to like four thousand before I asked myself what the fuck I was doing. Blah blah I got home at like 3:00 woke up at 8 went to work. Weekend over.

Fast forward to the next weekend. I get a text from my old roomate asking me when I was coming to move all my shit out of the old apartment, and I decided that I'd just leave after work on Friday drive down, move all my shit out Saturday, drive back Saturday night, go out and drink Saturday night. Everything went according to plan. I left here Friday night around 7:00 and Perks decided to tag along because he wanted to visit the motherland too, the highlight of the drive down was probably when we were in mid conversation and "Sweet Baby James" came on, and I abruptly shushed him, cranked it up and sang along. There is no talking during "Sweet Baby James". I dropped him off at his bro's place and kept it moving to Meriden, where I came home, saw all my old shit and almost had a panic attack. How was I going to move all that shit out of my room, pack it in my car, drive it to Vermont, and actually find a space for it in the closet I have up here. I decided it would be better if I went out and got a beer at good ol' Archies. So I met Urbz and his girl Smash out at the bar, quickly downed a few beers, ate 35 wings and was pumped on the whole time being there until I saw Ashley standing on the other side of the bar. I kept it cool drank a few beers, and was planning on walking over to say hello, and next thing I look over she's walking out. Of course me being drunk I start reminiscing about old times start texting her and yup, make a complete ass out of myself, say some shit I should have kept to myself and yup, basically re-enforce the fact that A. I am still in love with her and B. she is very much not still in love with me. Awesome.

So I wake up early Saturday morning, get a haircut (because my head starting taking the form of a football helmet) and then head home to work on the fucking mess that I liked to call my room. Seriously halfway through it I was considering packing a few things in my car driving away and telling my old roomate to just throw everything away, but I took a few deep breaths and managed to actually pack everything up and make it work. I scooped Matt and we were on our way again. We left the great state of CT at around 7 and made it up here at about 10:30. Not a bad drive, and certainly shorter when you have someone to talk to about ex girlfriends, video games and other random shit. We get up here and I hear Perks' famous last words "I don't want to get blackout drunk tonight" a quote I still laugh at today, which is like two weeks later. Well if we didn't want to get blackout drunk we probably shouldn't have been double fisting beers while we waited for the cab to show up. I don't really remember going downtown, all I know is that I think I ended up giving the cab driver 25 bucks for the 8 dollar ride home. I know I had 25 bucks in my wallet before we left downtown, but fuck it, you can't put a price on getting home safely. We ended up going back into the neighbors apartment, where many interesting things went down, that I didn't even know about because after about ten minutes I decided to come pass out on the futon. I will tell you someone ended up going to the emergency room, and multiple people weren't happy when the woke up Sunday moring. However one of them wasn't me, so HAH suckers.

Fast forward to this past weekend, more fun times. Friday starts off with a work party at some dudes house who I don't know, filled with work people who I don't really know either. Let me just tell everyone this, all the stereo types that everyone has about people in Vermont smoking a ton of weed.....

Yeah they are true. Holy shit man it was like people smoking cigarettes, everyone was smoking, I however opted to drink from the keg, the keg filled with Switchback, which if you've read this blog before you already know how I feel about Switchback. Let me just tell you, I drank wayyyyyyyyyy too much, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too quick, oh did I mention I hadn't eaten anything all do too? Yeah awesome, so by the time the food comes I end up housing like 9 piece of pizza and about 10 of the worst wings I have eaten in Vermont so far. Of course that didn't make my stomach feel any better but fuck it whatever were going out downtown. So we manage to stuff five dudes, yeah five dudes in a fucking Toyota Echo cab (the skinniest guy got shotgun somehow too) I mean you know it's pretty tight when you can feel the dude who's got the window seat two people away from you cell phone vibrates and you think it's yours. Yeah it was that tight. Whatever we get to some bar downtown and it's back to drinking. When I get drunk I get hot, and let me just tell you it was a million fucking degrees in there. I ended up going outside and standing in the rain (beer in hand because I'm fucking smooth) just to stay cool. I even went for a walk to the ATM which was like forever and a day away, managed to get stopped by a police officer who actually laughed at me because I was walking in the rain drinking a coors light, and challenged me to pound the rest of the beer in front of him. Which I did because I was fucking awesome and I managed to make it to the ATM and take out 40 bucks. At this point I was seriously considering calling a cab and riding home solo, going home and and ridding myself of the nasty Switchbacks, the not so bad pizza and the fucking terrible wings, but I decided I'd at least go back to the bar and see what was going in. Well apparently when I got there it was time to go to another bar. So we left and went back to RiRah's which is like my favorite place up here, even though I broke my tooth chewin gum drinkin beers there, but fuck it, only a minor speed bump. (that reminds me the dentist hasn't called me back yet, it's been like a fucking month) Well let me just tell you, I don't go to the bar to dance, I go to the bar to drink beers, that might hurt peoples feelings, but shit get over it. I don't dance. Anyways I go outside because it's fucking stupid hot in there and I don't feel like dancing and let me just tell you, Halarity ensues. I really can't go into details about it but yeah, it was fucking awesome. One of my friends was so fucking drunk he was just shouting, nothing coherent, just shouting and it was pretty funny. He then did a two step in a giant fucking puddle, and then managed to not be able to shut the door for like ten minutes when we finally managed to hail a mini-van cab. We made it back and of course we headed back into the the neighbors apartment like usual, this time no one had to head to the emergency room, but someone did walk back to our apartment with no shoes on, and no jacket. I managed to fall asleep on a sofa that is wayyyyyyyyyyy too small for me to fit on, then I woke up and watched showgirls, which was a fucking terrible movie. Also Jessy Spano has pepperoni nipples, they are gross, and really made me want some Mr. Mikes pizza. Plenty more unspeakable things went down, but yeah lets not mention that, I will say that I did get hit in the side of the face with a hunk of I think it was cheddar cheese, pitched at about 98 miles an hour by a Wild drunken man who had no cares for whether I lost an eye to a rogue hunk of cheese, and it stuck to my face. I seriously had to peel that shit off my cheek. Not fun.

Perks ended up driving back to Ct Saturday morning and I didn't do shit the entire rest of the weekend. I think I stayed up until like 4 am playing fifa soccer lol. Whatever I don't give a fuck, another good weekend in the books. I should be going to sleep because I have to be up in seven hours.

Some pictures

Madelines face is pretty funny looking

The Men of the wedding party


  1. Jordan your freaking awesome lmao!

  2. too funny jor!!
    i am going to call you artie from now on :)
    either that or cheese face!!
    one too many 'f' bombs..
    i am glad you are happy
    x's& o's


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