Monday, February 8, 2010

Stop Karate Chopping the Air Please it's Dangerous, Mountain Yard Sale, Magic Hat, Beautfiul Bartenders and Skittles

Bouncer asked me to stop opening peoples beers and threatened to kick me out after this.

It's Sunday night again....

I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I really have a love hate relationship with Sundays. I mean don't get me wrong, it's a day off, but it's always like you have that little lingering thought in the back of your head that tomorrow starts a new work week. I mean, I don't hate Sundays, but I feel like Jack Bauer in the show 24, every hour is a vital countdown. I mean the only difference between him and me is a few guns and explosions, I'm every bit as fucking cool. This is going to be a little summary of this past weekend, as I reflect upon why my life is so awesome.

As Friday night approached I didn't know what I was going to do. On one hand there was a work scheduled hockey game which a few of my pals were set to play in and there was supposed to be a pretty sweet pregame party goin on, or I could head back to the bar I went to last week and encountered one of prettiest girls I've yet to meet in Burlington thus far who just so happens to tend to said bar. Well lets weigh my options.... are you kidding me I don't even like hockey! Then came the news

Perks: Hockey game is canceled tonight, so were just gonna head out for a night on the town.
Me: Score!

So we headed out, with a bit of a different crew, we were minus two roomates, but we picked up another Josh and a Double M. We started off the night right were I wanted to be, and of course the beautiful bartender was there, looking even more stunning than she had the week prior (which I didn't think was possible, but believe me it is) and the place was packed. We started drinking the house beers, and I discovered that I'm a fan Burly's, which if you don't know is fucking awesome, you should have three. It was this night that most of my co-workers discovered that I have the bladder of an 80 year old man, at one point Josh said "Dude, this is your sixth piss in an hour, I haven't even gone once yet"..... whatever at least I'm not pissing my pants. The bar got packed quick and a few more co-workers meandered in, letting us know that the party was really going down at RJ's. Ugh...... RJ's. Throw together every college kid stereo type you can imagine and then add in a 30 minute minute line and you have RJ's. Now I am settling into a nice groove of Burly's, the Beautiful Bartender even used my name and made eye contact with me a few times, and I just housed some fried cheese and am having a good time, I don't want to leave. However, not being one to go against the group I begrudging closed my tab and had to basically speed walk with Josh across the green to catch up with the departed.

Ahhhh RJ's. Much to my suprise we got there right as the line was starting to form, so we didn't have to wait out in the freezing cold. I think it's also funny that they carded Double M, and a few others, yet they didn't ask me to see my id. I think it's because the bouncer knew I'd roundhouse kick him in the throat if he made me take my gloves off while outside to show him that I'm 28 years old. Yet I did chuckled when the 30 somethings had to pull out their id's. We get inside RJ's and it's quickly filling to capacity. Man RJ's really does play to most of the college stereo types, in one corner you have a few nerds reading books and probably acting out scenes to the latest dungeon and dragons quest, then you have your gangsters posted up against the wall with their flat brimmed hats and their Heniekins, a few meatheads (they are few and far between up here suprisingly) the stuck up girls who are too good to be there yet are there because they want people to look at them, and then a mix of random drunkards. AND BATGIRL!

Man Batgirl was really a crowd favorite, more than a few guys were like, man look at batgirl, she's everything I like in a girl and more. Apparently everything a guy likes in a girl is short, big boobs, light colored hair and a pretty face. Also an undying passion to DANCE! Holy shit it's like Batgirl dropped 10 e pills, she was really feelin herself. She was a dancing machine, at one point I was talking with a co-worker and all the sudden she's grinding my leg, like some kind of dog in heat. I went to go swat her away and some guy pulled her away to start dancing with him. I watched in awe as she danced with nearly every man in the place, often times one man pulling her from one to another. I bet she has herpes.

Any ways right around this point I get the brilliant idea that I should send the beautiful bartender a text message, (yeah she actually gave me her phone number after calling me a creeper, but thats a story for a different time) and it basically was horribly spelled and stupid, and it's a wonder why she never got back to me. Smooth dude. I'm pretty good at making awkward situations more awkward. Right about this time I remember that I am getting up at 8 am Saturday morning and heading to the mountain, and I can't just say that I'm getting up at that time and really set my alarm for 11, because I'm meeting Taylor there. So I decide I'm done drinking and it's time to go home.Right after of course I finish cuttin it up to some Jay Z... apparently the bouncer thought I was going to hurt someone by karate chopping the air like a mad man, because he threatened to kick me out. Relax dude I was just cuttin in up, whatever. Josh and I head out and I swear Snooki fucking bumped into me. Well not the real snooki, but this chick was short, fat and reminded me of an oompa loompa, just like the real life snooki. Apparently it's my fault that she bumped into me and she decided she would curse at me and call me a few names, so I didn't feel bad when my elbow "accidentally" glanced hers, simultaneously spilling her entire glass of beer all over the front of her shirt. Oops. Sorry Snooki.Stay ugly. Peace.

I wake up and head to the mountain, and I was completely suprised to get a call from Perks around 9 asking me if I'd left yet. I mean I didn't think he'd be up before noon since he was double fisting as I bumped snooki before I left, yet he told me he was on his way up. So I headed to the mountain, found Taylor took a few runs and ran into Perks at the bottom of the mountain. He was a sight, quite desheveled looking and reeking of booze, yet he had a defiant smile on his face, stating he was only here to prove me wrong about him not being able to man up and head to the mountain after a long night of drinking. It was a good time, there was a sweet lip on one of these whaleback bumps that I was throwing some awesome Indy grabs off of, and I decided that I wanted to go for the ever elusive tail grab. I'm a huge fan of grabbing tail, yet I can't manage to find it when I look for it..... haha man that sounds awesome. Anyways my lust for tail led to my first offical Vermont Mountain Yard sale. I throw myself off this little lip, go to grab tail and I of course i miss, and next thing I know I'm floating through the air, staring directly at the sky, feet over my head. Right before impact I noticed how awesome my bright orange pants were (oh and for those who didn't see it a little girl in the lift line told me I looked like a pack of skittles that afternoon, since I was wearing day glow orange pants, yellow gloves, and a green jacket. Awesome!), and then BOOM theres the ground. I sit up, check all my vital parts, nothing is broken yet my hand and head are freezing, also everything seems wicked bright all the sudden. WTF? It was then I noticed that both my hat and my goggles were about ten feet away from me and my glove somehow managed to be about ten feet below me. Awesome, my first yard sale, the only thing that could have made it more better was if I had lost both gloves, and maybe a small explosion or something, but yeah it was a good experience. It was about three runs after that I noticed that the sun was getting lower in the sky and I had a commitment to fulfill.

My roomate's friends came up from his hometown and we were planning on going on a Magic hat brewery tour (oh man nature calls brb) I just set a new high score in bejewled blitz, I'm awesome. Anyways, I get home with like ten minutes to spare and we all head out to Magic Hat. We go on a tour of the grand facility, which is a fucking warehouse, which wasn't in operation because they don't work on weekends, so I got to see a bunch of machinery and some douche tell me how much more awesome he was than I was because he knows more about beer than I do. Whatever, I am determined to meet the BrewTang clan though, I'll have to go back during normal hours. The best part of the tour though is like the double shot glass free samples of whatever beer Magic Hat makes, which concludes the tour. You can drink any one of the beers, as many as you want, pretty sweet. I really like single chair, and I'll be going back to get some growlers of it. If you are unfamiliar with what a growler is, think of a glass milk jug, but instead of milk it's beer. Awesome. While we were partaking in our sampling quest, Perks mentions that he is hungry and I suggest we go to the shitty Chinese buffet we found a few weeks ago. The duo know as L and S and a wild Penguin Plunger decided that they wanted to come with us. Once we arrived we found that it was fruity drink time, the Penguin ordered a gigantic bowl of madness, L of L and S got some kind of Orangcicle drink in a shrunken head glass, and S of L and S decided she'd grab some blue drink that looked like smurf piss. I had a water, so did Perks. God I am a fan of shitty chinese buffets and this one doesn't disappoint, it even comes with quiet unassuming bus girls who answer each question with yes. I won't go into the details of that one, but even if you aren't thirsty and say no I don't want anymore water, especially when your glass is half full it will get filled anyways. Meanwhile the others around the table who have empty glasses and want more water don't get any. She must have liked me.

We had big plans for the night, I thought I was going to see Dancin Dave make a re-appearance, but thus it was not meant to be. Events beyond our control took place and my condolences go out to Dave's friend whos name I don't remember right now, and his family. Always tell the ones you love that you love them when parting, because you never know wether that will be the last time you ever say that to them. Jesus thats a scary thought.

Woke up this morning and headed to Bolton. It was fucking cold. My brand new goggles could not handle the immense amount of hot air coming from the processing power of my brain, thus fogging up, which was a battle I fought and lost throughout the majority of the day. Pretty disappointed with Oakley and their double lens technology, but it might have been my own fault. It was a good day of riding, Me, Perks L and S all had a good time. Found a few fresh tracks, took a few solo laps at the end of the day before I decided it was time to head home. Not a bad day of riding, no yard sales and no wise ass 12 year old girls. Came home and slept for like two hours and decided I'd get up and watch the superbowl. I won't lie, I really thought it was going to be a Colts blow out but it wasn't so, it was actually a good game and I was pleased with it. The commercials were funny, Dancin Dave the Machine made some pretty good nachos and Gert made me play fetch the straw with her for like 20 minutes. God today could have used some explosions or something to make it more exciting but whatever, it was pretty relaxing I guess. Now back to the work week, hopefully it will be a quick one, filled with feet of snow falling at Stowe.

As always, feel free to say what you'd like. However if it is some hateful or hurtful shit I encourage you to drink a bottle of bleach and then get back to me. Live your life like every day is your last, because you never know when your number will be up. Also, hello mom, I love you. I don't have much in the way of pictures, so I guess you'll just get some stock images.

Once you ride something like this, it's all you want to do for the rest of your life


Oh shit, it's BatGirl! All the dudes of Burlington love you batgirl.

God you are disgusting Snooki.

Lastly some Wu Tang Vs The Beatles


  1. way to txt the bartender man. They have an app that will block you from doing stuff like that after a certain time :)

  2. I thought it was a good idea at the time, how ever it appears to not have been so intelligent. Now I don't think I should text her again unless I hear from her.

  3. Don't waste your time with that bartender, she gets money for being nice to drinkers like yourself. Why do you think they hired a pretty girl? To keep suckers like you coming back. Give it up dude.

  4. i'm baaaaack
    love you too <3
    thanks for the snow pics :D


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